Sunday, February 08, 2004

[love matters]

hey






J.A.M...







CONGRATS! ~



sorry.. i m one wk late! hehe;)

back to stuff.

thursday: trg was horrid. coach walked out e thrid time. this time, i have a feeling he will never come back. the words that he sad did stuck a chord, but it didn't really matter to me. it first started with a mini talk, trying to convey the message to us that we have one week to buck up, and we must communicate. what's new? we've heard tt so many times. i just don't get it. How come we can train yet do rubbish on the field. maybe rugby is just not my cup of tea huh. Then he got really pissed with pris, caused she did the wrong move twice, the poor girl was already in tears. At that time, i had the sudden urge to walk up and say 'you are not fit to be our coach'. well, of course it was just a thought. that actually came from me. i would probably get 'eaten' by him given his size and 'capacity'. But i just can't stand the way he put those words. If he thinks $200 is too little..he can leave? I really really don't mind. Why kept leaving and kept coming back? and yar, he doesn't have to get a girlfriend from the team, like we would even wanna be with him. time to time the capts, seniors must beg him to come back. I appreciate their countless efforts our capts made but He is not even a qualified coach. And he made trg "scary".

Was just reflecting on all the CCAs i m in so far, none of them i really really enjoyed. Realised i joined them for e sake of joining and for myself, i don't want to give up like that. so i will still hang in there for the others who felt the same way as i did. i'm just glad that i made some friends from rugby whom i can talk to.

I hate the system.

Even if i enjoyed them, those were short-lived. Guitar was the only one that i felt worth joining and worth sacrificing my time during my sec 4 yr.

4 more days to com, i don't know what more to say. I hope i won't end up crying if we lost. i don't think it's worth my tears.


Friday: first half of the day, was quite 'alone'. Josh wasn't in school. and i actually realised that i m kind of a loner. Realised that i m not so close to my clique anymore. Partly coz i spend half my day in the school library, in rugby or with josh. Pris said it's like that. You gain and lose. Even now i don't have time for church friends. i rejected dunno who many attempts pple try to ask me out for dinner, movie, or what ever house gathering. i guess this will continue(sad to say) Suddenly so detached from the world. connect me back pls. my modem is slow and down.

Agnes was asking if i feel left out.. and i said 'no'. well think i said that coz i know it wont make any diff even if i said yes right? And anyway I'm actually getting used to all these though i wouldn't dare say i can adapt to changes quite fast. Xj was right when he said that im not longer the same person. even if i see a person down, i have no urge to wanna go talk to the person or to cheer the person up. how can i help others when i can't even help myself.

I tried to cheer pris up after the whole trg incident. Gave her a kit kat bar. and she said when she saw the note, she was laughing like mad in the LT and all her friends thought she went insane. hmm. i'm quite surprised that such a small gesture can cheer a person up and had so much effect. I've lost this feeling for quite sometime and i m glad i'm getting it back all over again. When is the last time you made someone smile? =)

Khoo made a big fuss during bio pract again. And i agree with pris, i feel like slapping her. gosh. i never really had so much dislike for a teacher in my whole life other than mrs redwan, vasalan, don't recall any from rgs. something is really wrong with me today. i just kept whinning. arggghhhh. stop that.

sat: Had some love matters talk. mainly on issues of sex, marriage, abortion, relationships... quite appropriate for valentines day. haha. I still can't think of any reason why Mr gwee is so shy and unwilling to share any of his 'experiences'... still pondering* was quite disgusted by the abortion video"the hard truth". all those gruesome scenes... .. then went church and for cell, we had similiar talks.. the same things about guys and girls, birds and bees. funny how it was so coincidental. ha. but i did learn more stuff about the opposite sex and i m quite surprised by some of the guys where they actually know soooo much about girls.. hah. that's why opposite attract. called josh at night and we ended up at 'that' topic again. i regreted saying erm stuff that i said ;) oppps.can i undo it.

sunday: played piano. stopped for 3wks so i was feeling quite happy when i was playing the songs. i like all the songs! The happy feeling of being able to play music again..it came right back. I hope these are the good signs. I'm getting back in shape! Thanks to rongshun for getting me that book. Appreciate it. won't disappoint you. i will find my purpose again.

next week will be a bz bz week. looking forward to vday! yay

shystar*;
x 2/08/2004 09:36:00 PM